At this point you may be wondering: "Where do relationships with people fit in?" Am I just working with people to accomplish an overall task (i.e., that of reaching the community)?"

This book is designed to give you a large amount of content in a very usable form. But content doesn't guarantee a great ministry. If you were to examine the lives of those who have successful ministries, one thing would override the content they present: Great disciplers love people and share their lives with others.

John, probably the disciple closest to Jesus, records of his Lord: "Having loved His own who were in the world, He loved them to the end" (John 13:1). Jesus didn't just give lectures on the kingdom of God; He lived with His men and continually showed His love for them. This same chapter of John describes how He washed their feet, giving a graphic demonstration of His loving servant's heart.

In Jesus' ministry, His love for His disciples came first; their development and ministry came next. Like Jesus, you should seek to love each individual; spend time with him, eat with him, get to know him well.

Most mistakes in discipleship occur when we try to present information without seeing and loving the person. People don't respond to programs. People respond to people who show love. Seek to love an individual as Christ loves him, allowing Jesus to love him through you. Spend time talking about the person and his interests. Let your own love for Christ be reflected in your love for him.

Study the principles in this manual. They will prove invaluable in helping equip you for ministry and keeping your focus clear throughout all the dust storms of decisions that accompany any ministry. But don't neglect your love for people. Be real with them. It is a disastrous mistake in discipline to think that you should shield your weaknesses and faults from others, as if spiritually means being something other than human.

Share your trials with others. They will learn much more from how you respond to problems than they will from lectures on trusting God. And they will be refreshed to see that you still need a daily dependence on the Holy Spirit to make it through the day.

This chapter will give you some helpful suggestions on building relationships with your group members. We will also discuss how you can profitably spend time with each.

A. Helpful suggestions.

Contact them frequently to let them know they're on your mind and are important to you. Don't always call with a specific reason or request in mind. Phone just to say, "Hello". This takes little time but shows much thoughtfulness.

Relax with them. Get together for dinner, spend an evening in the sitting room playing a game or discussing a current issue.

Go places together. Go sight seeing or camping. See a play or a sports event. Attend a Christian conference or meeting. Worship together at your church or theirs.

4.Participate in one another's family events, as appropriate. Be at the places and activities that are important to the people in your group.

5.Do "necessities" together. Go shopping. Do the laundry. Run errands.

6.Develop spiritually together. Study the Word. Pray about one another's needs and concerns. Memorize Scripture. Go together to talk to others about Christ. Work together in church responsibilities.

7.Study together. Work together on projects when possible.

Exercise together. Compete in sports. Play together on a local team.

Show special kindness. Visit a group member when he's sick, under pressure, studying or working hard.

These are suggestions to help you know how to get to know (build a relationship with) your group members. It is not a checklist.

B. Individual time.

What is it?

Mary had one of her disciples over for dinner one evening. The dinner began to burn, and as Mary opened the oven door she exclaimed, "Oh Lord, thank you! Please show me how to salvage this dinner." Later Mary's disciple said, "You know, Mary, you've talked and talked to me about the Spirit-filled life, but tonight when I watched you handle that burned dinner situation, something clicked. I saw what you were talking about! I get it! The Spirit-filled life is moment by moment. He was right there with you and you depended on Him." Mary I s disciple caught something from Mary's life. What had previously been only a principle came alive right before her eyes.

a. One-to-one time is the time you spend with an individual your group - talking, listening, building rapport, going witnessing together, doing follow-up together, setting up evangelistic meetings together, and 'ust enjoying life.

b. It is crucial to the discipleship process because a discipler must get involved in the life of his disciple Just as Jesus did! Don't tell him to have a quiet time. Get together with him to do it! (See below.) Remember, people need to know you love them before you tell them all you know.

c. It is both structured and non-structured, but the primary focus should be on the relationship, not just on the information.

Structured individual time consists of:

a. Having a quiet time with your disciple: pray together, have your individual quiet times silently (different passage of Scripture or same passage); share with each other what you learned in your quiet time; share action points; close in prayer together.

b. Memorizing Scripture together: when you meet for your appointment, repeat your memory verses for each other, check for accuracy; let him check yours (be a co-learner).

Unstructured individual time consists of:

a. Talking about the Lord: Ask about his relationship with the Lord, what he's learning from the Word, how he's doing spiritually.

b. Talking about his ministry: Ask him about his progress in gathering men for his Discovery Group. How are they doing, what help does he need in working with them.

c. Talking about fun things: Ask how things are going with the boyfriend/girlfriend; talk about sport and other outside 'interests. It's important to talk about and do a wide range of activities and interests.

d. Sharing about yourself with him: tell him how you are feeling and what you are thinking.